It's hard to believe it's been 10 months since my accident. It's been quite a journey. I went from the trauma unit to an acute care hospital, connected to more life support machines than I could count. One by one, I was able to come off each machine until I was finally discharged at the end of December. When I got home, I spent about a month in bed. I couldn't do much for myself and had to slowly rebuild my strength. I started going to the gym once a week, and after a couple of months I was finally able to get a caretaker who could take me two or three times a week. That's when I really started making progress. But recovery hasn't been a straight line. My amputated leg had complication after complication, and the wounds wouldn't heal for months. Even though I received my prosthetic leg on February 10, I couldn't safely wear it until the very end of April because the wounds wouldn't close. Just when I started walking with my prosthetic at the gym, I ...
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Let me be honest: this is one of the hardest things I’ve ever done.
I’m diving deep into Dr. Joe Dispenza’s teachings, and while they resonate with every fiber of my being, the process has been anything but easy. I started with You Are the Placebo, where he teaches that everything happening in our lives—including our health—is influenced by our thoughts, beliefs, and the energy we hold. According to Dr. Joe, we can heal through meditation, thought, and belief. And although I believe that’s true, practicing it has cracked me open in ways I didn’t expect.
I jumped into the You Are the Placebo meditation… and I struggled. This wasn’t a beginner-friendly “close your eyes and imagine a waterfall” meditation. It was intense. Advanced. My brain rebelled. My body rebelled. Every five minutes, a part of me screamed, “This is boring! What are we doing this for?” Meanwhile, my chickens were squawking, my cats were hungry, the dog wanted a treat, and I couldn’t stop thinking about what I’d eat for lunch. Sound familiar?
Still, I persisted—because something inside of me knows that healing happens when we keep showing up. But the truth is, I felt lost. Overwhelmed. The science in his books made sense, but the steps felt unclear. I wanted a roadmap: “Step 1, Step 2, Step 3.” Instead, I was left wandering through theory and transformation without a guide.
Then I moved on to Becoming Supernatural—a book that is absolutely amazing. It resonates deeply. The content, the theories, the stories of healing—it all makes sense on a soul level. It’s inspiring. But then came the nine different meditations. And suddenly, I was back to feeling unsure again. I found myself thinking, If I struggled with the Placebo meditations, how am I supposed to master all nine of these? Some are long. Some are layered. Some are confusing.
Dr. Joe explains the science, the energy, the brainwaves, the quantum field—and it clicks, but at the same time, I’m left wondering: How do I actually do this? There’s no “start here” or “beginner's path.” There’s no breakdown of “first get comfortable with this meditation, then try this one next.” I was craving guidance. A sequence. Something that tells me how to build my practice step by step. Instead, I was diving into deep water with no floaties.
So I went backward. I picked up his earlier book, Breaking the Habit of Being Yourself. And that’s when the tears came.
The very first meditation broke me open. I got angry. I cried. I felt frustrated and raw. But deep down, I knew: this is exactly what I need. Because I’ve been living my life on repeat. Same emotional patterns. Same toxic relationships. Same financial rollercoasters. Same stories playing out over and over again.
And Dr. Joe says it clearly—our bodies become addicted to the past. Our nervous systems, our cells, our very chemistry… they get wired to old emotions. To pain. To lack. To unworthiness. And if we don’t unwire it, we keep reliving it.
I’ve had to confront that I’ve been body-strong, not headstrong. My body has been running the show. Craving comfort, distraction, chaos. Avoiding presence. Wanting to “do” instead of just “be.” And meditation? That asks me to be—with myself, my emotions, and the pain I never fully cleared.
See, I’ve been through a lot. A stroke. Loss. Heartbreak. Toxic relationships. Financial setbacks. People who only wanted me for what I could give—and when I had nothing left, they wanted more. I pushed them all out eventually, but the energy of those experiences? It stayed. It settled. It got stuck.
I didn’t clear it. I isolated. I shut down. I stopped trusting.
Now, at almost 60, I’m not trying to start over. I’m trying to rise up. Reconnect. Clear what’s stagnant. Rewrite the script. Rewire my brain and body to align with my future—not my past. I’m using everything I can: EFT tapping, Ho’oponopono, somatic practices. I’m learning to trust again—not just others, but myself. My intuition. My vision. My worth.
This healing journey isn’t neat. It’s not easy. It’s emotional, messy, inconvenient, and sometimes it feels like I’m getting worse before I get better. But I know now—that’s the work.
And I want this. I want to attend Dr. Joe’s retreats one day—not as someone just beginning, but as someone who knows how to break the habit of being herself. I want to show up for myself in a way I never have before.
This is my path. My mission. My healing.
And if you’re on a similar journey, just know… you’re not alone. Keep going.
If this resonates with you, I’d love to hear your story. Are you working through old patterns too? Have you tried Dr. Joe Dispenza’s meditations or something else that cracked you wide open?
Drop a comment, share your experience, or reach out to connect. Healing isn’t meant to be done alone—and maybe, just maybe, we can rise together.
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