When Survival Looks Like Dependence There are moments in life where everything you thought you understood about yourself gets stripped away. For me, it happened in a single instant—an accident that left me with severe injuries, a long recovery ahead, and a body I no longer recognized. I’ve been trying to process it ever since. Not just the physical pain, but the emotional weight of waking up into a completely different reality. A reality where I’m dependent on other people for basic things I used to do without thinking. And that’s where things get complicated. Because dependence doesn’t always come with safety. Sometimes it comes with tension. Sometimes it comes with resentment. Sometimes it comes wrapped in help that has strings attached. The Strange Place I Ended Up In Before my accident, I broke up with my boyfriend. That part was clear. I didn’t love him, and I didn’t want to be in the relationship anymore. But life doesn’t always respect clear decisions. While I was ...
The other day, I had what I can only call a Satori moment — a sudden burst of awareness that cracked me open just enough to see something I’d been avoiding. I was sitting there, letting myself drift into joy. I was visualizing the things I want to create — and what my future would look like, all flowing together in ways that light me up. I could feel the happiness start to bubble up inside me. That fizzy, almost electric sensation that says yes, this is the life I’m creating . Then — boom — shutdown. I blocked it. Just like that. A familiar wall. That subtle, silent sabotage whispering, “Don’t feel too much. Don’t get too excited. What if it doesn’t happen?” It was as if some hidden part of me whispered, Don’t get your hopes up… what if it doesn’t happen? I could feel myself shutting the door on joy before it could fully enter. That lie dressed up like protection. And then, I said it: “Do I have a heart wall?” And suddenly—tears. Full-body truth. That wasn’t just a question. That ...