Stop Calling Him a “Nice Guy” – You’re Keeping People Stuck

 

 

The Hidden Costs of Settling in Isolation

Let’s talk about how people get stuck—and stay stuck—in toxic relationships.

It’s not always because they don’t know better. Sometimes it’s because life circumstances set the perfect trap. And sometimes, the people around you unknowingly help tighten the lock.

When I moved to this area over a decade ago, I was grieving the loss of my father. I didn’t know anyone. It was unbearably hot in the summer, freezing in the winter, and just getting outside felt like a chore. The nearest towns were bedroom communities—Temecula, Murrieta—quiet, distant, not exactly places where single people go to thrive and connect.

I tried, at first, to meet people. But I kept running into strange, unstable, or just completely unaligned energy. I was vulnerable, lonely, and tired. And then I met him.

He seemed okay at first. Not amazing, not wildly exciting, but “convenient.” I settled.

And that’s when the real damage started.

Behind closed doors, he was manipulative, selfish, and emotionally cruel. But in public? He played the “nice guy” role flawlessly. He used a soft, sweet voice. He people-pleased. He performed kindness for an audience. And people bought it.

One of the most damaging things you can say to someone in a toxic relationship is,
“But he’s such a nice guy.”

It might seem harmless—even comforting—but it can deeply undermine someone’s reality. I know this because every time I tried to speak up about what was happening behind closed doors, I heard that exact line.

“He’s such a good guy,” they’d say. And slowly, I started doubting myself.
Maybe I’m overreacting. Maybe I’m the problem. If he’s so great, then it must be me… right?

That kind of gaslighting doesn’t always come from the abuser. Sometimes it comes from well-meaning people who only see the mask he wears in public. But what they don’t see is the version that comes out when no one else is watching and before you know it, you’re twisting yourself into knots trying to make it work—with someone who doesn’t even deserve access to your energy.

Meanwhile, he couldn’t hold onto money. Spent it on cigarettes, gambling, who knows what else. No savings. No vision. Just chaos.

But I stayed.
Because I was isolated.
Because I was grieving.
Because part of me didn’t believe I could do better—or at least not from where I was living.
Because I didn’t have the energy to leave.

But I see it now.

This wasn’t just about him. It was about everything that surrounded me at the time—grief, stagnation, financial uncertainty, isolation, and a belief system that told me love should feel like sacrifice. That settling was safer than starting over. That loneliness was better than risk.

And maybe, just maybe, I was attracting low-vibration people because I hadn’t fully cleared my own.

I’ve been learning from people like Dr. Joe Dispenza, who talks about how once you release a toxic person, you also begin to release the energy of that person—the frequencies, the patterns, the old emotional programs. And once you do that, you make space for new opportunities, healthier people, and a completely different reality.

So here’s my message to anyone reading this:

Stop calling toxic people “nice.” Stop romanticizing the bare minimum.
Stop doubting yourself because someone else can’t see the full picture.
Start detoxifying. Your mind. Your heart. Your energy.

Let go of the person, the place, the version of you that chose to settle.
Grieve it. Honor it. And then let it go.

And most importantly—clear the energy.

Do the meditations. Cry the tears. Smash the beliefs that told you this was all you deserved. You don’t have to stay stuck in a life that drains you. You can shift. You can rise.

The real you—the creative, wild, powerful, grounded you—is still in there. Waiting to be reclaimed.

If this hit home for you—you're not alone.

I know what it feels like to be trapped in a place, a relationship, or a mindset that keeps you small, exhausted, and unsure of your worth. But I also know what it takes to break free. Not all at once. But one layer, one belief, one breath at a time.

You can release the toxic. You can reset your energy. And you can rise into something better—something that reflects the truth of who you are, not what you’ve survived.

✨ If you're ready to start clearing the emotional and energetic clutter that's been holding you back, I invite you to connect with me. Whether it's a mindset shift, heart healing, or deep energetic reset—this is the work I now help others do. Because I’ve lived it. And I know what’s on the other side.

Click Artful Living Coaching to schedule a free clarity call.
Let’s get your energy—and your life—back.

You are not broken.
You are becoming.

Tips for the friend

When a friend confides in you about a toxic relationship, the most important thing you can do is listen. Instead of defending their partner because you see them as "nice," focus on supporting your friend's feelings and experiences.

By insisting that their partner is a good person, you may unintentionally be gaslighting your friend and making them doubt their own perceptions. A better approach is to simply be there for them, acknowledge their pain, and offer a safe space for them to share without judgment.

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Here are some ways to be a better friend in this situation:

• Listen without judgment: Let your friend talk without interrupting or offering unsolicited advice.

• Validate their feelings: Use phrases like, "That sounds really difficult," or "I'm so sorry you're going through this."

• Focus on them: Shift the conversation from their partner's actions to your friend's well-being. Ask, "How are you feeling about all of this?" or "What do you need right now?"

• Encourage professional help: Gently suggest talking to a therapist or a coach who can offer tools and strategies for navigating the situation.

• Set healthy boundaries: While it's important to be supportive, you also need to protect your own energy. It's okay to say, "I'm here for you, but I can't keep talking about this if it's not leading to a solution."